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Witchergate

In a move that can only be described as "paranoid and pandering", or paranandering, which is a word this author made up just now to establish himself as having an "outside of the box" and "zany" approach to writing, Xbox One manufacturer Microsoft offered a carefully worded apology to pedantic geeks across the world who noticed that the company's The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt stream featured footage from the PC version of the game instead of the Xbox One version. The obvious backpedal made it's way from the top of the Microsoft hierarchy to the bottom in a matter of hours, presumably packaged in a neon green envelope and handled by a skateboarder wearing a backwards red cap, who skated the message between the byzantine halls of the company's Redmond, WA office until the wording was just right: absolutely devoid of humanity or emotion and entirely inoffensive to anyone involved.

The spokesperson, who received the message like a relay baton and proceeded to run, ill-fitting suit and all, to the nearest stump or soapbox, sat down and emailed this message to the media:

This morning we posted a new trailer for The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt to our YouTube channels featuring footage provided by CD Projekt Red that was captured from the PC version of the game and may not be reflective of final Xbox One gameplay. This was in no way intended to misrepresent the title on Xbox One. We have updated the description of the asset to make clear the source and platform of this footage. We apologize for any confusion and look forward to the game arriving on both Xbox One and PC on May 19, 2015.

After receiving the message, geeks everywhere nodded, putting away their AV detective equipment and removing their monoculars -- until a few minutes later, when a rival user on their favorite message board mentioned that the draw distance in the PS4 version of Watch Dogs is better than it is in the Xbox One version.

How offended are you by #WITCHERGATE?
 
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The poll was created at 23:10 on April 22, 2015, and so far 6 people voted.



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